Amusing Spam
ha ha ha...
Date: Wed, 31 Oct 2001 01:25:20 -0800
From: "king jaja" >king_ja@onebox.com>
Subject: URGENT ASSISTANCE
To: king_ja@onebox.com
FROM: DR. MATHEW DANIEL
LAGOS NIGERIA.
PRIVATE EMAIL: king_ja@onebox.com
Dear sir,
First, I must solicit your confidence in this transaction, this is by virtue if its nature as being utterly CONFIDENTIAL and TOP SECRET. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. We have decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction, as we have been reliably informed of your discreteness and ability in transactions of this nature.
If it's CONFIDENTIAL and TOP SECRET would you really send it though plain text email?
Let me start by first introducing myself properly to you. I am DR. MATHEW DANIEL, a director with the Union Bank of Nigeria Plc. Lagos. I came to know of you in my private search for a reliable and reputable person to handle this confidential transaction which involves the transfer of a huge sum of money to a foreign account requiring maximum confidence.
Someone said I was a 'reliable and reputable person' - the fools! Obviously they don't know me...
THE PROPOSITION:
A foreigner, Late Engineer Johnson Creek, an Oil Merchant/Contractor with the Federal Government of Nigeria, until his death five years ago in a ghastly air crash, banked with us here at Union Bank Plc. Lagos, and had a closing balance of US$9.5M (Nine Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) which the bank now unquestionably expects it to be claimed by any available foreign next-of-kin of the Late beneficiary or alternatively be donated to a discredited trust fund for arms and ammunition at a military war college here in Nigeria. Fervent valuable efforts are being made by the Union Bank to get in touch with any of the Creek family or relatives but proved to avail.
I'm fairly certain that Johnson Creek is a small city south of Madison, Wisconsin...
It is because of the perceived possibility of not being able to locate any of Late Engr. Johnson Creek's next-of-kin (he had no known wife and children) that the management under the influence of our chairman and member of the board of directors, retired Major General Kalu Uke Kalu, that an arrangement be made for the funds to be declared "UNCLAIMABLE" and subsequently be donated to the Trust Fund for Arms and Ammunition to further enhance the course of war in Africa and the world in general.
How much weaponry can you really get for 9 million? Last time I bought a small nuke - nevermind...
In order to avert this negative development, so of my trusted colleagues and I now seek your permission to have you stand as a next-of-kin to Late Engr. Johnson Creek so that the funds US$9.5M would be released and paid into your bank account as the beneficiary next-of-kin. All documents and proves to enable you get this fund will be carefully worked out and more so we are assuring you of a 100% risk free involvement. Your share stays while the rest would be for myself and my colleagues for investment purposes in your country.
I don't understand, how can I be the next-of-kin, I'm not related to Late Engr. Johnson Creek (or am I?) Hey, this isn't some kind of SCAM is it?
We have agreed that, the funds will be shared thus, after it has been transferred into your account
1. 30% of the money will go to you for acting as the beneficiary of the funds.
2. 10% will be set aside for reimbursement to both parties for any incidental expenses that may be incurred in the course of the transfer.
3. 60% to us the originators of the transaction.
If this proposal is OK by you and you do not wish to take undue advantage of the trust, we hope to bestow on you and your company, then kindly get to me immediately via my private email address above for security reason. Furnishing me with your most confidential telephone, fax number and exclusive bank particulars so that I can use these information to apply for the release and subsequent transfer of the funds in your favour.
Well of course! Will do chief! I'll be sure to send you all of my bank account info, I know you won't try to steal the 56 US Dollars and 98 US Cents I have in the account. I am confident that you will fill the account with untold millions of US Dollars and millions of US Cents and no one will question it... Let's go!
Thank you in advance for your anticipated co-operation.
No, Thank You!
Yours faithfully,
Yours Gulliby...
DR. MATHEW DANIEL
Director, (UNION BANK NIG. PLC.)
rasterboy
(not a doctor...)
