posts tagged with the keyword ‘joke’

2011.03.11

Skip Intro

I was asked to create an awesome splash screen for a web site, so I came up with this. What do you think!?

Also, instead of doing it in Flash, I might just make a static image file.

I’m not sure if I should add a “skip intro” link underneath it though, for people who don’t want to see the intro. But I really want people to see the intro… do I leave out the “skip intro” link!?

2011.02.17

tapps posted something to Twitter, I replied and turned it into a joke, and it went a little crazy from there with some help from janiukjf and chernowa … Here’s the transaction. (I’ve saved it here since at some point it may will become unavailable on Twitter.)

Server Errors

As long as we’re on the subject, I thought I’d expand on the whole “Server Error” joke and attempt to come up with a restaurant/food/server joke for every HTTP code.

Informational 1xx – This is when your server introduces themselves to you.

100 Continue – This happens if you interrupt the server before they tell you the specials.

101 Switching Protocols – If the server realizes you are being difficult, stupid, or drunk, they may change the way they talk to you.

Successful 2xx – Hooray! You’ve managed to interact successfully with your server.

200 OK – Server is OK, hasn’t screwed anything up yet.

201 Created – You’ve decided what you wanted to order, and told the server.

202 Accepted – The server has accepted your order.

203 Non-Authoritative Information – If someone tells you that the burgers are good, find out who they heard it from. (Make sure it wasn’t Yelp.)

204 No Content – This is what happens when you are not content with your food.

205 Reset Content – This is what happens when you send the food back.

206 Partial Content – This is what happens when the server forgot something you ordered.

Redirection 3xx – This is what happens when the server starts coming towards your table, but turns and goes the other direction.

300 Multiple Choices – Typically, this will happen when they list the desserts… Choosing is quite difficult!

301 Moved Permanently – Occasionally you may want to move to another table, perhaps by the window, or the fireplace.

302 Found – Hooray! You thought you lost your server, but you found them.

303 See Other – This is what happens when you try to order from an employee who is not your server.

304 Not Modified – This is what happens when you send it back and then they return it without doing anything to it.

305 Use Proxy – This is when you have someone order for you, you know, if you have to go to the bathroom or something.

307 Temporary Redirect – This is when you make everyone else order before you because you haven’t decided yet.

Client Error 4xx – Oops! You’re the client, you’ve done something wrong… You probably pissed off your server.

400 Bad Request – Again, you screwed up. Did you try ordering a steak at a vegan restaurant?

401 Unauthorized – This is what happens if someone tries to order for you but you stop them.

402 Payment Required – Most restaurants rely on this one.

403 Forbidden – Asking your server for his/her phone number.

404 Not Found – Server is missing… probably on break.

405 Method Not Allowed – This is what happens if you try to order the kids meal when you’re a full grown adult.

406 Not Acceptable – If you get “grabby” with your server, well,that’s just not acceptable.

407 Proxy Authentication Required – If someone orders for you, and the server asks if it’s OK that they ordered for you…

408 Request Timeout – Server asks ” Do you need a little more time to decide?” Then leaves. (This is usually followed by a 404 error.)

409 Conflict – You really want the lobster, but you also really want the streak. Can’t have both!

410 Gone – Server has quit. Probably on a bus half way home already.

411 Length Required – This one is typically only used when ordering subs.

412 Precondition Failed – You may have ordered alcohol, but you’re not 21 yet. #fail

413 Request Entity Too Large – You know that 72 ounce steak that they give you, and if you eat the whole thing your meal is free? Don’t do it! It’s too large.

414 Request-URI Too Long – Occasionally someone will try to order everything on the menu…

415 Unsupported Media Type – Don’t try ordering your meal by singing.

416 Requested Range Not Satisfiable – You want free range beef. They don’t have it.

417 Expectation Failed – Your meal sucked.

Server Error 5xx – Server screwed up. It happens. (Go tell Yelp.)

500 Internal Server Error – Occasionally your server will be having emotional problems. Perhaps he (or she) is in love with two people at the same time…

501 Not Implemented – Not everything comes deep-fried and/or covered in cheese.

502 Bad Gateway – Typically an error between the server and the kitchen.

503 Service Unavailable – Server is not serving. See 404 and 410.

504 Gateway Timeout – This happens when the server gets too busy to relay your order to the kitchen.

505 HTTP Version Not Supported – Usually this only happens with older browsers. (Senior citizens who don’t know what to order. Or where they are. Or what year it is.)

Whew! Never let it be that I don’t know when to quit… because really, I don’t. END OF FILE

2011.01.21

Mac Flag

Mac Flag

(With apologies to Black Flag, Cat Flag, and Pack Flag…)

2011.01.18

I’ve designed this new game but I need some help building it using HTML5… If you know any great HTML5 developers, please send them my way… Thanks!

2005.09.16

I stumbled upon an item at Lifehacker about turning a printer into a shredder

This reminded me of an old idea I had, The Shrinter.

The Shrinter

Basically, The Shrinter is a printer that, upon completing the printing of a page, immediately shreds it so that no one can read it. It’s the only way to print sensitive documents! (The Inventgeek.com guys mention this idea as well: “You might build it to print the pages, and directly feed them back into the shredder“)

Who would need such a device? Well, I figured every government agency and corporation could use one. And Microsoft. Yes, Microsoft. Didn’t they propose some sort of DRM thingy where you would be prevented from printing a document? Well, here ya go! Let that loser in HR print that sensitive document, but shred it after you do. That’ll show him you mean business!

(I’m also working on a new CD drive that allows you to burn copyrighted material onto a CD or DVD and then immediately burns it – I mean literally burns it – so that the disc is unusable… VC‘s please contact me.)

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