Tag: life

I awake
3am, 4am, maybe 5am
it’s not enough
the pain begins
will it be a few hours
or all day
I never know
time disappears
so many hours
in pain
lost time
a lost year

I take the pills
it was 1, then 2, the 3
four… five…
and it’s still not enough
to dull the pain
the pain
persists

so much I want to do
so much I cannot do
while the pain is in command

sometimes I feel alright
but it doesn’t last
the pain returns
each morning
or it creeps up
anytime
during the day
when unexpected
when unwanted

a broken man
waiting to be fixed
fighting against time
fighting against the pain
sadness visits
darkness lurks
but we keep going

what else can we do?

~

See the previous post… Done? Okay!

I waited three weeks. Well, technically I waited 20 days, but on that 20th day I had the exact same excruciating and debilitating pain I had before the injections. And since the injections I’ve not had a day without pain.

Some days were definitely better! Almost… normal. Minor pain, mild discomfort, but I could mostly go about my daily routine, which starts with an hour (to a few hours) of pain, then mostly pain-free the rest of the day.

I say “mostly pain-free” because certain things still caused pain, like putting on socks and shoes, or driving, so there’s something lurking still, waiting to hurt me.

Some days were worse, and I noticed that again, the pain was shifting. Upper leg, hip, buttock area… not just ankle and lower leg. AND! I started getting pain in my left leg, which was never affected. A few nights I could not walk or go upstairs without a heap of pain. As if my legs just… didn’t work.

So on that 20th day, I emailed my doctor’s office, told them all this, and said I will not make it to July for the “13 weeks later” follow-up appointment. So I’ll be seeing them next week. Fingers crossed!

See the previous post… Done? Okay!

The past three weeks (not two) have been crap. Pain every day, every night. I’ve been taking Gabapentin, Ibuprofen, Tylenol, and using a heating pad quite a bit. On a good day I’d have 6 to 8 hours of pain and on a bad day 12+ hours.

But the day has come! My procedure was a few days ago. Since I was sedated I really don’t remember much about it. They inserted two needles into my back and injected steroids into my spine. (Fun!) The next day I felt good. Really good. But they do warn it can take days or a week or more to start being pain-free.

Two days after the injections I had quite a bit of pain in the morning, which is normal, but it wasn’t at the same level as it was earlier in the week before the injections. It faded later in the day, so that was good.

So if you’re keeping track I’ve been in pain (in various ways) since November. It’s shifted, changed, and mutated since then. From the back to the butt to the hip to the leg and ankle.

I cannot wait to get back to my old life of working full-time, going on bike rides, not lying on a heating pad in pain, etc. I hope, hope, hope we’re nearly there.

Just a quick update since the last post…

Hey, funny story. And by “funny” I mean tragic. I got through a consultation (in great pain, since I was off my medication) and got an actual appointment to get an injection. Actually, two injections. They said that they would need to go in through both sides instead of through the back.

So I was in the hospital, and Nurse Tara was prepping me for the procedure, going through all sorts of questions and then at the end of the questions Dana mentioned my finger.

I noticed the previous night that my right index finger was a bit swollen and reddish. Guess what… I had an infection!

Nurse Tara said “Okay, hold on” and left. Another nurse came in, took a look at my finger, then left. And then the doctor came in, took a look, and told me we needed to reschedule.

Fuuuuuuuu…

Yeah, so we canceled the procedure to be on the safe side, as doing a procedure while I potentially has a blood infection was a bad idea. They told me to go to urgent care and get some antibiotics and come back in two weeks.

I’ve been in pain for two months, so I figured two more weeks would be, well… not okay, but whatever. I had no choice.

I’ve been on antibiotics a few days now, finger is looking good, and hopefully within two weeks we’ll have anther update.

Update: The “two weeks” is now three weeks due to rescheduling. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this point.

This post was shared on Mastodon.

I really planned to have an update since the last post, but it’s been difficult. The first update is that I’m getting used to it, to some degree. The pain, that is…

I typically wake up between 3:30am and 5:30am and I’m just in pain (to various and differing degrees) for anywhere from 5 or 6 hours on a good day, to 12+ hours for a very bad day. And the medication can cause dizziness and drowsiness and sometimes I just cannot focus. Ugh.

Oh! A lot has happened since the last post. I saw a doctor, got an injection in my hip (that did not work and offered no relief) and then I got an increase in my medication, and then I got an MRI and then another increase in my medication (sigh) and sometimes I have to take out-of-state medication.

On a strange/happy(?) side note I have not had an alcoholic drink since mid-December since I’ve been on so much medication since then.

I’m still limiting my work and activities, though on the days when it’s fewer than 6 hours of pain I try to spend the whole afternoon at work, or doing things I can do. There are days that by 2 or 3pm I feel totally fine.

So what’s next? Well, I got an EMG (electromyography) and the good news is my nerves are not damaged. So I saw another doctor this week and we’re going to move forward with getting me two injections into each side of my spine because they can’t do just one from the back due to the spacing. (Eww.)

So we’ve got at least another week and a half before any potential relief. If the injections do not work we’ll need to move forward and try something else. I really hope it’s not more medication because I am getting so sick of them.

Anyway, here’s hoping for the best!