This is a short post about something that happened, which is in no way remarkable, but I thought it was important to write down and share.
Last week my wife Dana and I went out to eat. After we were sat a man showed up with a stroller and a small child. He got the child out of the stroller, folded it up, and stowed it out of the way. (It’s a restaurant without a lot of space.)
A height chair appeared and the child was sat in it. And then I realized this guy was on his own. I thought perhaps his wife would join him and three people would have dinner.
Did you catch all the wrong assumptions I made?
I’ll also note the child was very well behaved, and pretty cute! She gave Dana and I a few stares and we waved back at her. I don’t think the man said anything to the child. (At least not anything loud enough for us to hear.)
I said to Dana it seemed weird to see a man (probably a father?) going out to eat with a toddler. At one point the guy took the child out of the height chair and put them on his lap. He was eating, making sure the child was eating, and seemed to just go about his business all on his own.
She said “You probably see it all the time, but it’s a woman, and you either don’t notice, or though nothing of it.” And damn… she was (probably) right! She continued with a bit about the unseen labor of women, and how men should not be praised for doing the bare minimum or for caring for their own children. (I know these things, and agree with them, but sometimes a reminder is helpful.)
Later, after thinking about it again I said “I think maybe I sort of identified with the guy since he was, (A) a man, and (B) had a child with him. It’s been decades since my kids were small, and I remember going out to eat with them, but only when they were a bit older, or at least along their mother. Maybe I felt it wasn’t something I could handle on my own?
Of course the stroller could have been a clue… maybe they lived in the neighborhood and it was easy to walk there for dinner. And the child was very well behaved.
I also felt like we mostly made meals at home when the kid(s) were little, as money was always tight.
It seems wild I put that much thought into the whole thing but… here we are.