Star Trek: Tom, Dick, and Harry

Starfleet has a posse

If you’re not familiar with Star Trek Voyager, here’s a simple guide in the form of an image.

Supposedly the guy in the middle is named “Neelix” or something, but that’s a stupid name, so you can just call him “Dick” if you’d like.

Also Tuvok is way cooler than Spock, who is not impressed.

I’m still working on my “Field Guide to the Delta Quadrant” post…


Analysis of Scoville illustration

I got invited to use the web site at, and while browsing the site trying to figure out what it was, and why I’d want to use it, I came across this illustration in the footer…

I’m still not convinced I want to use Scoville, but I was fascinated by the illustration, and thought I would offer a complete analysis of said illustration for your consideration.


The scene itself is surreal, and appears to take place on a floating city. We’re not really sure where the city is floating… In deep space? Above a planet? Is it MagLev® Technology? We don’t know…


What we do know, is that the city is under attack. We can clearly see a number of aliens descending upon the city in attack mode. Two of the creatures look like battle-hardened soldiers from the Space Invaders fleet, and the other looks like it may be related to the horrible beast most often found on the GitHub planet.


There also appears to be discharges from a number of energy weapons, possibly from larger battle cruisers orbiting this floating city. You can clearly see disruptions in the time/space continuum in this close-up.


Three of the individuals in the illustration are talking, or yelling, or perhaps telepathically communicating. Since we cannot see what they are saying, we will assume their communications are encrypted. I find it interesting that there are 3 attackers in the sky and 3 people on the ground engaged in communication. Are they somehow linked? Are they working together? I smell traitors!


We see two objects of interest in the illustration, a large orb-like structure in the center, and a small pyramid on the right. We can only assume that the orb-like structure is what powers this city, and perhaps, is also the valuable object being sought out by the attackers… the “MacGuffin” if you will.

Now, the pyramid is also of great interest. If my studies have taught me anything, it’s that pyramids are used as teleportation devices. This begs the question, will the beings of this city use the teleporter to leave and save themselves, or will the teleporter allow the transport of ground troops to fight the impending battle? Either way, the pyramid cannot be ignored!


On to the next question… Who is watching!? We see a number of cameras in the sky, as well as a communications transmitter atop one of the buildings. It’s clear that the event is being monitored by someone, and judging by the model of that transmitter, the signal is traveling quite a distance. Will help arrive in time? Are the enemies of this world watching and waiting to see it fall? Unknown.


I know that the people look helpless, but all hope is not lost! You can clearly see that the city has established itself as a leader in the BDN (Balloon Defense Network) that was so popular in the last century. While it’s true that 99.5% of the balloons in the Balloon Defense Network are destroyed within 5 minutes of launching, and a Balloon has never actually fire a shot in battle, there is still that 0.5% chance that this time something different will happen.


It’s been said that where there is music, there is life, and while we fear that life upon this floating city will come to a tragic end, the music goes on! You can see that music is being blasted into the sky, perhaps as a last testament to the bravery of these poor souls who will soon be destroyed as their city burns and their balloons burst. Sadly the song they are playing was rated with only one star in iTunes. Not good!


It’s also been that it’s always darkest before the storm, and that appears to be true in this case, and while this great city, and all of the wisdom contained within it are on the verge of total destruction, we see one final glimmer of a spark of a chance that something may step in and prevent the inevitable.

I mean, this city has not only a palm tree growing out of a building, but it also has a heart… and that my friends are two of the most powerful weapons in the universe.

(Note: palm tree and heart may not guard against alien invaders or proton weapons.)


Skip Intro

Skip Intro

I was asked to create an awesome splash screen for a web site, so I came up with this. What do you think!?

Also, instead of doing it in Flash, I might just make a static image file.

I’m not sure if I should add a “skip intro” link underneath it though, for people who don’t want to see the intro. But I really want people to see the intro… do I leave out the “skip intro” link!?


Server Errors

tapps posted something to Twitter, I replied and turned it into a joke, and it went a little crazy from there with some help from janiukjf and chernowa … Here’s the transaction. (I’ve saved it here since at some point it may will become unavailable on Twitter.)

Server Errors

As long as we’re on the subject, I thought I’d expand on the whole “Server Error” joke and attempt to come up with a restaurant/food/server joke for every HTTP code.

Informational 1xx – This is when your server introduces themselves to you.

100 Continue – This happens if you interrupt the server before they tell you the specials.

101 Switching Protocols – If the server realizes you are being difficult, stupid, or drunk, they may change the way they talk to you.

Successful 2xx – Hooray! You’ve managed to interact successfully with your server.

200 OK – Server is OK, hasn’t screwed anything up yet.

201 Created – You’ve decided what you wanted to order, and told the server.

202 Accepted – The server has accepted your order.

203 Non-Authoritative Information – If someone tells you that the burgers are good, find out who they heard it from. (Make sure it wasn’t Yelp.)

204 No Content – This is what happens when you are not content with your food.

205 Reset Content – This is what happens when you send the food back.

206 Partial Content – This is what happens when the server forgot something you ordered.

Redirection 3xx – This is what happens when the server starts coming towards your table, but turns and goes the other direction.

300 Multiple Choices – Typically, this will happen when they list the desserts… Choosing is quite difficult!

301 Moved Permanently – Occasionally you may want to move to another table, perhaps by the window, or the fireplace.

302 Found – Hooray! You thought you lost your server, but you found them.

303 See Other – This is what happens when you try to order from an employee who is not your server.

304 Not Modified – This is what happens when you send it back and then they return it without doing anything to it.

305 Use Proxy – This is when you have someone order for you, you know, if you have to go to the bathroom or something.

307 Temporary Redirect – This is when you make everyone else order before you because you haven’t decided yet.

Client Error 4xx – Oops! You’re the client, you’ve done something wrong… You probably pissed off your server.

400 Bad Request – Again, you screwed up. Did you try ordering a steak at a vegan restaurant?

401 Unauthorized – This is what happens if someone tries to order for you but you stop them.

402 Payment Required – Most restaurants rely on this one.

403 Forbidden – Asking your server for his/her phone number.

404 Not Found – Server is missing… probably on break.

405 Method Not Allowed – This is what happens if you try to order the kids meal when you’re a full grown adult.

406 Not Acceptable – If you get “grabby” with your server, well,that’s just not acceptable.

407 Proxy Authentication Required – If someone orders for you, and the server asks if it’s OK that they ordered for you…

408 Request Timeout – Server asks ” Do you need a little more time to decide?” Then leaves. (This is usually followed by a 404 error.)

409 Conflict – You really want the lobster, but you also really want the streak. Can’t have both!

410 Gone – Server has quit. Probably on a bus half way home already.

411 Length Required – This one is typically only used when ordering subs.

412 Precondition Failed – You may have ordered alcohol, but you’re not 21 yet. #fail

413 Request Entity Too Large – You know that 72 ounce steak that they give you, and if you eat the whole thing your meal is free? Don’t do it! It’s too large.

414 Request-URI Too Long – Occasionally someone will try to order everything on the menu…

415 Unsupported Media Type – Don’t try ordering your meal by singing.

416 Requested Range Not Satisfiable – You want free range beef. They don’t have it.

417 Expectation Failed – Your meal sucked.

Server Error 5xx – Server screwed up. It happens. (Go tell Yelp.)

500 Internal Server Error – Occasionally your server will be having emotional problems. Perhaps he (or she) is in love with two people at the same time…

501 Not Implemented – Not everything comes deep-fried and/or covered in cheese.

502 Bad Gateway – Typically an error between the server and the kitchen.

503 Service Unavailable – Server is not serving. See 404 and 410.

504 Gateway Timeout – This happens when the server gets too busy to relay your order to the kitchen.

505 HTTP Version Not Supported – Usually this only happens with older browsers. (Senior citizens who don’t know what to order. Or where they are. Or what year it is.)

Whew! Never let it be that I don’t know when to quit… because really, I don’t. END OF FILE


Misfits: wants vs. needs

Misfits: Wants vs. Needs

Sometimes, when a band acts childish or selfish, you try to reason with them, and show them what is really important in life… you can often do this by asking them to make a list with two columns, one listing the things they want, and another listing the things they need.

In most cases, this wants vs. needs list puts things into perspective. (In most cases…)

(And yes, I was totally inspired by the horror business chart.)