RasterWeb!

Previously, in pain, and so on…

Remember when I said:

The surgery could get moved up if I start to lose control of my bladder and bowel…

And then I also said:

I’ve already gone over 120 days in pain, what’s another 70 or so?

Well the good news is, I did not lose control of my bladder and bowel… and I do not have to wait 70 whatever more days! The bad news is, my pain did start to worsen. There was also a scheduling conflict with the original surgery date, and we looked at pushing it back even further, like into August (ugh!) but instead it got moved up to next week!

I’ve already covered the details of the procedure and general situation in the previous post, so hopefully the next post will be about recovery.

Of course with any surgery there are risks, and there is a chance I don’t make it, so this might be the last blog post I publish.

If that is the case I just want to say thank you to all the great people I met along the way. This world can be rough, but having good friends and family (and cats!) to help you through it certainly makes things easier.

Signing off for now. I hope to post again next week. Cheers, and thanks for all the fish.

Since last time (and this) I figured it was time for an update.

I saw the pain management doctor (who gave me the injections) and he said I needed to have part of my spine widened since the injections did not work. The “spine hole widening” is a surgical procedure, so he suggested I see a surgeon. So I did.

The surgeon looked at my MRI and said “You’ve got a senovial cyst!” So yeah, there is a cyst on my spine pressing against the nerve that runs down my right leg, hence the terrible horrible pain in my right leg.

If you want to get technical I need a Laminotomy which is the opening of the space around the nerve, in this case by removing the cyst. (A Laminectomy on the other hand, is removal of part of the spine. Luckily a Laminotomy is a somewhat less invasive procedure.)

It seems plenty of (older) people get these cysts but never even know it because they do not cause any pain. Lucky me!

Other fun things from the diagnosis: “severe lumbar spinal canal stenosis” and “multilevel cervical spondylosis neural foraminal narrowing” and of course “degenerative disc disease” for good measure.

So the good news is I am scheduled for surgery. The bad news is I need to wait for three months after the injection, which would mean the first week of July. The other bad news is that due to my work schedule I can’t take off for the surgery until the last week of July. So as I am typing this it’s over 70 days until my surgery.

The surgery could get moved up if I start to lose control of my bladder and bowel, so that’s fun.

Otherwise I figure I’ve already gone over 120 days in pain, what’s another 70 or so? Are there days I wake up (in pain) and scream in agony? Yes. But hopefully we’ve got a solution to this nightmare.

Fingers Crossed and all that!

I awake
3am, 4am, maybe 5am
it’s not enough
the pain begins
will it be a few hours
or all day
I never know
time disappears
so many hours
in pain
lost time
a lost year

I take the pills
it was 1, then 2, the 3
four… five…
and it’s still not enough
to dull the pain
the pain
persists

so much I want to do
so much I cannot do
while the pain is in command

sometimes I feel alright
but it doesn’t last
the pain returns
each morning
or it creeps up
anytime
during the day
when unexpected
when unwanted

a broken man
waiting to be fixed
fighting against time
fighting against the pain
sadness visits
darkness lurks
but we keep going

what else can we do?

~